Why aren’t you married yet? This question has been playing in my mind for a while now, I heard this comment made from one female to another, the female asking the question was an older woman and the female being asked the question was in her early 20’s.
Today there are more opportunities and ways for people to meet than ever before, so shouldn’t it be easier to find a suitable partner.? Or is it because there are so many choices that we cannot make up our minds? are we afraid of missing out on finding someone better? Is it FOMO?
The first and most logical explanation of why the younger woman is not married is simply because she has not been asked by someone. Below I take a look at some of the reasons that might be, from the perspective of the older woman, the younger woman, and men. I have based my thoughts on a traditional relationship between a man and a woman to keep it less complicated.
The older woman
Let’s start with the question that the older woman asked, why would she ask that question of the younger woman?
Does she not understand today’s challenges of dating and a woman having to juggle a career, family and everything in between? Is it because she sees how beautiful and amazing the younger woman is, and is in pure disbelief that no man has swept her off her feet yet?
Was she comparing the younger woman to herself? Times have changed.
The younger woman
Tinder app, Just swipe right for your next date.
Being young is surely an advantage with youthful looks on her side compared to an older woman. Is it because she hasn’t found the right man to marry? But then what is the right man? A good man could mean different things to different women, a mixture of physical and personal traits. Does the man have a job? Maybe she is looking for a man that has a similar or higher status to her in society? Are all the good men taken? Is she prepared to marry a man who has an addiction?
Maybe it’s the way she looks or dresses? Is she not pretty enough? Is she too pretty? A lot of young men are terrified of women, they can become paralysed, unable to leave their seat and put a sentence together, and the terror exists in precise proportion to their attraction to the woman. Why terrified? They are terrified of rejection. Rejection of what? The rejection that their genetic makeup is not adequate to reproduce offspring.
Could it be that there are some underlying psychological issues, perhaps the younger woman was in an abusive relationship before, maybe she had received unwanted sexual advances and harassment? Was she heartbroken when the man she was dating left her for another woman and is trying to understand what went wrong and not make the same mistake twice?
Maybe it’s her religion or beliefs, maybe she is looking for someone who shares the same values. What values are important? Trust, communication, and loyalty?
Maybe it’s the man’s mother or family that she doesn’t like, looking at the man’s family she sees what her future might become, or what her potential husband might turn into based on his parent’s behaviors and interactions.
The Men
Little players
Let’s talk about the men, why hasn’t a man asked the younger woman for marriage?
Is it because they fear commitment or long-term relationships? Are they trying to figure out what type of woman they would like to spend the rest of their life with (playing the field), or are they more interested in pursuing their career than settling down?
Are they too immature? Are they more interested in computer games, sport, and cars? Maybe they do not believe in marriage and don’t understand the importance?
Is it because they know that if they if decide to marry and have a family they know how quickly their lives can turn upside down with a divorce after hearing stories from other men or from seeing their own parents go through a divorce? Do they not want to have kids, perhaps they don’t want to bear the responsibility for raising another person in society.?
Maybe he can’t afford a decent engagement ring that is worthy of her. Maybe he is saving up for 3 months of pay for the engagement ring, and it is taking longer than he expected.
I have read a few comments on people’s views from other articles on what the cost of an engagement ring should be. Some people say that the price of the ring should not matter and that it’s the principal. I agree to some extent, but then I thought about it some more, and I thought well if you are going to spend 3 months’ pay on an engagement ring you are probably going to take the decision a bit more seriously because you don’t want to do that twice or three times over, it just doesn’t make economic sense, more so if you include the cost of a divorce both financially and emotionally.
So what should a young woman be looking for today in a Man? Well, that might depend on what she wants from a relationship, does she want to be a traditional wife and be a stay at home mum and raise a family. Does she want to follow her dreams of a career in industry X and travel the world without children? Does she want a career and a family? How does that work in society today?
Based on Maslow theory (not the best theory as it’s not necessarily in order from bottom to top) women and men have to ensure that they have the basic needs to survive before moving up the Maslow hierarchy to find love. A woman may choose an older man based on Maslow theory (an older man may already be independent with the basic needs met), but what happens now, when there are more women in the workforce? If women are able to provide the basics for themselves does it mean they won’t have children or worry about finding a suitable mate until later in life? Some women may choose to have children on their own, which is already happening. Will we see more women proposing to men in the future?
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
What I thought was going to be something easy to write about turned out to be much more complex once you go beneath the surface. I hope that you all have meaningful and happy relationships, there will be challenges and suffering and everything in between but that’s life.
My wife, her parents and I arrived in Ayacucho from Lima on a domestic 1.5-hour flight. Ayacucho is 2,746m above sea level which some people have problems with altitude sickness, I didn’t notice this as much as I did in Cusco which is 3,399m above sea level. Before we departed Australia for Lima I conducted some basic research of Ayacucho on Wikipedia and discovered that Ayacucho is primarily known for its number of churches 33, which represent one for each year of Jesus’ life. What I didn’t know about Ayacucho are the terrorism and killings that have occurred here from the rise of the Communist Party and its offshoot, The Shining Path. In this blog, I will discuss some of the atrocities that have occurred here along with some of the other histories of Ayacucho and their surroundings.
Day 1 Ayacucho Square and Cathedral
After we arrived in Ayacucho we jumped in our hotel shuttle bus and headed to the hotel, The hotel was very central, basic, food was ok and service was average. But we were not there for the hotel. Once we settled in we headed to a tour agency and organised a city tour, my wife and her parents took care of it all.
We started the tour with another couple, unfortunately for me, the tour guide was speaking Spanish and my Spanish language level is a beginner so I tried my best to take away a few of the important things and my Wife translated for me when she could. We started off in a colonial entrance to a building and the tour guide explained the reason for the oversised doors and that they were designed so that horses were able to enter. There were a couple of small artillery guns in the small courtyard, Spanish most likely.
Grand Marshal of Ayacucho, Sucre
After that, we headed to the central square which reminded me of Cusco in the way it was designed and laid out. In the center was a man on a horse with his sword drawn, his name was Antonio José de Sucre y Alcalá known as the Gran Mariscal de Ayacucho or the Grand Marshal of Ayacucho. Sucre was the victor of the Peruvian war on independence during the battle of Ayacucho, which saw an end to the Spanish American wars.
From there we moved to a church adjacent to the square which was very impressive and is considered to be one of the most beautiful Cathedrals in Peru, it is also the largest in Ayacucho. From there we jumped on a tour bus and headed to a Museum and this is where I learn about the mass killings that occurred in Ayacucho.
One of the many grand features inside the Cathedral of Ayacucho
As I said earlier the tour guide was speaking in Spanish so I didnt understand alot of what he was saying, so I started wondering around the museum and noticed that they had English translations for a lot of the writings and descriptions of photos etc. What I discovered was that Ayacucho has been the site of terrorist acts and campaigns by the revolutionary organisation called the Shining Path. After wandering around and reading these and looking at all the horrific photos of innocent people that were beaten, tortured, raped and murdered. I wanted to understand how this happened and why? At a couple of points inside the museum, I found myself almost tearing up and crying, I didnt know why since I am not Peruvian at all but maybe it was because I couldn’t understand why this had happened and how? This led me to do some further research on the Shining Path, who were they and how and why did this happen? My Wife had told me about this terrorism before but I never really understood it well.
Painting inside the Museum
Shining Path. The Shining Path was led by Abimael Guzmán, Guzmán was a professor of philosophy active in left-wing politics and strongly influenced by Marxism and Maoism. My Wife’s Father actually attended a university in Arequipa where Guzman was lecturing philosophy. The goal of Shining Path was to overthrow the state by guerrilla warfare and replace it with a New Democracy. The Shining Path believed that by establishing a dictatorship of the proletariat, inducing a cultural revolution, and eventually sparking a world revolution, they could arrive at full communism. Eventually, Guzman was recruited to Ayacucho University to lecture philosophy. Guzman learned one of the native languages Quechua. Guzman was able to influence his students and Ayacucho tribes where he gained his support which is where all this brutality started. Military schools were stood up and Guerilla war began in the Ayacucho highlands.
Artwork inside the Museum
Shortly after the rise of Guzman and the Shining Path the Peru Government declared an “emergency zone” in the three Andean regions of Ayacucho, Huancavelica, and Apurímac and granted the military the power to arbitrarily detain any suspicious person. The military abused this power, arresting scores of innocent people, at times subjecting them to torture during interrogation as well as rape. Police, military forces, and members of the Popular Guerrilla Army (Ejército Guerrillero Popular, or EGP) carried out several massacres throughout the conflict. Military personnel started to wear black ski-masks to hide their identities and protect their safety, and that of their families.
More artwork from inside the Museum
The military armed some of the peasants in order to defeat some of the Shining Path, these peasants were called “rondas”. Rondas captured one of the Shining Path and publicly executed him. The retaliation of the execution from the Shining Path led to the Lucanamarca_massacre where 69 peasants were killed. On September 12, 1992, El Grupo Especial de Inteligencia (GEIN) captured Guzmán and several Shining Path leaders in an apartment above a dance studio in the Surquillo district of Lima. However, most supporters of Shining Path continued to cause havoc in Peru until 2003. Even then there have been instances up until 2017 where Shining Path killed 3 police officers.
Church, Lookout, and Stone Carvings
Jesus Statue
After the Museum we continued the tour to another Church, again I didn’t understand much, from there we went to a lookout, overlooking a valley of Ayacucho, there was also a large statue of Jesus. My wife and I took a few photos before getting back on the bus. From there we visited a stone carving shop where we a stone carver was speaking about his work, we both bought souvenirs and got back on the bus and headed to the hotel.
Stone Carving, about 3 months of work
Day 2
We all jumped on another bus and headed to the countryside to Quinua and the province of Huamanga during the bus ride we had to introduce ourselves. I had a go speaking Spanish, I think I got it right, then the tour guide starting to speak about Australia, Koalas, and eucalyptus trees everyone clapped afterward as the guide was able to say something about everyone’s place of origin.
The first stop was the Museum site of the Wari culture. The Wari culture is known for its art and architecture. We move outside to the archeological site where we are shown a sacrifice stone and from what my wife told me they would sacrifice a farm animal and the blood was used to look at stars from the reflection to predict the seasons for their crops or something like that.. We got our picture taken acting out a Wari fight scene and continued and were shown some amazing burial and ceremonial sites.
Sacrifice stone, Arcehlogical dig and Wali Plumbing
Next, we visited the Pampa de la Quinua which has a large obelisk, the obelisk signifies the end of Spanish American wars and the South American independence, it is also the scene where the Battle of Ayacucho was held on December 9, 1824 where the Spanish were defeated. The work represents nearly half a century of struggle for freedom and American independence, from the Tupac Amaru Revolution in 1780 to its victorious culmination here.
Oblisk with Sucre and others
We move on to the town of Quinoa where we have an amazing local lunch, I get a chance to try Guinea pig, tasted like chicken to me, not much meat though. After that, we head out the back where there is a pottery maker and pottery house and we are taught how they make the different types of pottery and get a chance to make some using a mold. That ends our tour for day 2 and we head back to the hotel.
Food! back right is corn, in front of the corn is the Guinea pig. The purplish/reddish sauce is similar to beetroot and it covering the potato, on top of the purplish/reddish sauteed potato is beef and pork, front left is Quinua underneath another type of potato and top left is another type of potato. Yum!
End
Quinua, Peru is a monumental place of history with the Battle for Peru and South American Independence. Then there is the rise of Shining Path which impacted Ayacuhco’s people and surroundings. I was very surprised to hear of the Shining Path as I did not realise how recently this event had occurred. What’s next that Peru has to offer and for me to grow and learn from history and different struggles? Lots no doubt!
My wife and I planned a two week holiday to South America to attend our friend’s wedding in Cartagena, Colombia. Prior to that, we spent a week in Peru. I will discuss what happened and my observations during that time. There were only 2 or 3 cases of Covid 19 detected in Peru and Colombia so we thought it would be low-risk travel considering we would only be in South America for two weeks, how quickly things can change…
Peru. My wife is Peruvian and her parents live in Lima, Peru. We first went to Lima for a few days and I had an opportunity to attend a football match with my brother in law, the bathrooms at the football stadium are not the most sanitary, hand towel or hand dryers didn’t seem to exist here. None the less the game was a great experience which I thoroughly enjoyed and I was thinking about how easily disease could spread in a place like this.
Football Lima, Peru.
We traveled domestically to Ayacucho with my wife’s parents for a few days before coming back to Lima, my wife got a stomach bug from something she ate and had diarrhea before we were supposed to travel to Cartagena, Colombia. We made the decision to travel as my wife was feeling much better on the day of travel and we thought we should continue to attend our friend’s wedding, there was some news in the newspaper about the Coronavirus but nothing extreme to suggest that Peru would close their borders.
Cartagena, Colombia. On the day we arrived in Cartagena, Colombia I discovered some information from a news site that Peru was closing its borders (Entry and Exit) for the following day for all travelers. We could not have planned our flights more precisely to get out, it was if someone was looking out for us. However, our flights back to Aus were via through Peru and we had to change them, which proved difficult as we used Flight Centre in Australia and the timezone difference to call them meant we had to wait and we could not use the 24/7 emergency as that was reserved for flights impacted in the next 24/48 hours. My wife ended up calling Latam Colombia and was put on hold but eventually, we got flights back to Aus arriving one day earlier to Aus than originally planned, via Bogota instead of Peru. I ended up getting through to my local Flight Centre agent to see if he could book us on an earlier flight. He told us that there was nothing earlier and that Latam had done a good job getting us on another flight. We even went to the Airport to see if we could rebook and found the queue for the line was out the door for Latam sales/information and one customer was yelling and complaining that Latam would not change her flight for free even though it was advertised on the Latam website that they would.
Then came more news, this time about Colombia, I received an email from Latam airways that Colombia was closing its borders which meant that all flights for foreigners who wanted to enter the country were suspended and only Colombian nationals, residents, etc were allowed to enter. This was heartbreaking news for the Bride who’s brother was still traveling and could have entered but had to return back to Australia as his Wife was not Colombian and their two babies are not Colombian either.
All the activities planned prior to the wedding ceremony in Cartagena started to be canceled as tourist operators shut down and night-time curfews began to take place. This was followed by 24-hour lockdown over the weekend and the Monday public holiday, then there was other news that Colombia was shutting down all domestic flights on 25th March, which put increased pressure on airlines and people to get out while they could. Luckily we had our flights booked prior to all this happening and that our flight was scheduled to leave Cartagena to Bogota on the 22nd March.
We still tried to enjoy Cartagena as much as we could, but we found that more and more places were closing, tourist attractions were being closed down and the hotel we were staying in moved us to its sister hotel up the street as more tourists departed. They gave us free breakfast and the new accommodation had access to a rooftop pool which was a bonus.
An underground wedding was held with only a few family members allowed in the church due to restrictions put in place by the government we waited outside avoiding police attention as much as possible. We all met back at the Bride and Grooms parent’s accommodation for an intimate ceremony and reception of about 15 people. Catering of food was organised by a friendly local restauranter and provided us lots of Colombian cuisines. That went well until a neighbor took a photo of us taking some wedding photo’s in the street and before we knew it the police showed up asking questions and asking for passports. Celebrations continued but the music was turned off, we left before the cake was cut as we wanted to make sure we got back to our Hotel before the 6pm curfew.
Underground wedding Cartagena, Colombia
The wedding was on Friday and on the morning of Saturday 22nd March I received an e-mail from Latam stating that our flight from Cartagena to Bogota had been canceled.. We packed up our belongings and checked out while at the same time on the phone to Latam to see if we could get out that day. We spoke to the Concierge at the hotel and we were told that once all the guests had left the hotel they were shutting down for the rest of the month at least. So returning was not an option, all hotels were not accepting foreigners for bookings. What a nightmare. There was a 2pm flight and it was just before 1pm when we departed the hotel and headed for the airport, Latam could not give us a seat over the phone our only option was to see someone in person at the airport.
Once we arrived at the airport only persons with valid flight bookings/boarding passes could enter. We showed our passes and my wife went to the check-in line and I went to the Latam sales desk, I told the salesperson that our flight had been canceled, she told me to go to the check-in line, I ran over there and found my wife at the desk of the counter and the Latam staff member was changing our flight, she said that our Sunday flight was still on? but we were already here and didn’t want to risk it. The Bride and Groom and some of their family where at the airport as well and they were waiting on a Delta flight back to Aus via US. We quickly said goodbye and ran to our boarding gate and got on the plane and made our way to Bogota. Another crisis averted.
Bogota, Colombia day 1. Once we arrived we collected our baggage we went straight to the check-in line, the information and sales desk for LATAM was long as was the information desk. we waited at the check-in line for a few hours before we eventually got to speak to someone, during that time people were yelling at staff as they were clearly upset, frustrated and angry at the whole situation. I heard a familiar accent, Australian, I started a conversation with him and said he and his two friends were trying to get back to Aus via same route as my wife and I, he was checking to see if his 11.30pm flight was canceled, which he found out it was and had rescheduled to a 2.30pm the following day and that he was put on a waiting list for the flight from Chile to Aus. Once we got to the Latam counter we just wanted to check-in, and were told that we had to come back at 3am to check-in as our flight was for the following day at 10:29am, it was about 7pm by that stage. We went and had some dinner and slept where ever we could find space along with all the other people waiting.
Bogota, Columbia Day 2. We arrived at the Latam desk just after 3am, checked our baggage in and got an updated boarding pass, went through Customs and Security and freshened up had a bit more sleep. We went to our boarding gate and approached Latam ground staff and asked about our ticket and flight from Chile to Australia and was told that we had to get our ticket from Chile that it could not be processed in Bogota despite being a connecting flight all the way through to Australia.? So we boarded without a ticket, online check-in was not working for the Chile-Aus flight using the Latam app, I attempted to self check-in via the app several times at different intervals without success.
Santiago, Chile. On the flight to Chile, I was sitting next to a Kiwi and she was traveling back to NZ, her 4 month holiday was cut short by a few weeks, but she told me that she and her sister (on the same flight) work in Darwin, NT, Australia. Now because she was not an Australian resident or citizen she or her sister could not go back to work in Australia. What a blow, back to living with parents for a while no doubt.
We arrived at the airport and were directed to a long line at Santiago, Chile for connections. We had a 6-hour stopover so I wasn’t too concerned, however that changed fairly quickly after we realised the line didn’t seem to move unless people left the line as a lot of flights were canceled and people were trying to book other flights. My wife started hunting for information while I held our spot in line while she went to the front of the line to ask other passengers what the situation was, she met another Australian woman who had been waiting for hours who had already approached Latam staff several times and was told that Latam could not process the passengers for the Chile-Australia flight as it had a stopover in NZ and that there was an issue with NZ processing Australian passports for the flight? or the system was not accepting Aus passengers for some reason, there seemed to be mixed messages and was not clear on the reason. The two Kiwi sisters were in front of us in the line and the female at the front of the line came and spoke to us a few times to give us updates about tickets etc when one of the Kiwi’s said that they already have a ticket the Australian woman said they could go straight through security without the need to wait in line…..
Chile Airport, Santiago
During that time I was communicating with my wife’s sister (my wife had lost her phone in a taxi in Cartagena days ago) who lives in Chile and asked if she could check us in online as another passenger had done so successfully after 4 times, that wasn’t working and eventually received a website error which looked like the site was down, I attempted to self-check-in again using the Latam app, I received the same error as my wife’s sister.. At this stage I dont know if we are getting on the flight, I ask for my wife’s sisters address to start to prepare for the worst-case scenario, (even though we cant enter Chile) and she tells me curfew starts at 10pm, its 9:30pm now, not going anywhere tonight given that Military is enforcing the curfew so would have to wait for the following day. I start thinking of other options, Australian consulate for Chile, I find the 24/7 phone number and update my parents on the situation and ask if they can call on my behalf since its an Australian number and I dont have much phone battery and the Wifi keeps dropping in and out, I don’t have a Chile SIM card and there is no place to buy one where we are.
In the end my wife and the Australian female at the front of the line somehow got to the Latam desk. There was about 4 Latam staff trying to service at least 200 people, with more people arriving from other flights as time went on. My wife and the other woman explained that our flight was on and not canceled and asked if we could get a boarding pass. They were told that boarding passes had to be processed manually and that they needed passport and baggage tickets and names produced on a list as there were about half a dozen Australians with us. My wife and the other woman started writing all the information down for the Latam staff and Latam started handwriting our boarding passes for us and the other Australians. Our flight was due to leave in 2 hours. During that time, some rowdy South Americans got quite angry and verbally abusing (swearing) the Latam staff and appeared to throw something at one of the Latam staff I think it was a pen or whatever was on the counter.
Another flight arrived and I see the Australian and his 2 mates that got on the 2.30pm flight from Bogota to Santiago and I approach them and tell them to get in line with us and to hand over their passports and other information so that Latam could provide them with a handwritten boarding pass.
I update my parents and tell them no need to call anyone, we have a ticket and are on our way to the boarding gate. Crisis averted once again..
We meet some of the other Australians in the same situation as us and they said that one Australian woman couldn’t get on the flight as she had a Qantas flight for the following day and that Latam would not get her on this flight..
We get on the plane and I realise that the plane is not full, its probably only at just over 1/4 capacity. That woman who was left at the Latam service desk could have easily got on the flight instead of waiting for a Qantas flight that might not arrive the following days. We stopover in NZ for an hour and get on another plane and arrive in Australia no problem.
Australia, Sydney. We have a bus ticket for the following day and not sure if the bus service is running, I walk past the car rentals agencies and see half a dozen to choose from but only 2 are staffed, not even sure if that would be an option. I check out the bus service page and see that bus services from Sydney to Canberra are impacted by Covid-19 I call up and tell the woman on the phone that I have a fully flexible ticket and when the next service is running, she gets me on the next available which is only 15mins away. Finally, something going right and don’t have to drive with jetlag. I didn’t want to take a domestic flight with the possibility of infecting more people and the bus only had a dozen people on it and was able to social distance ourselves from other passengers appropriately.
I tell my parents that we are back in Australia and on our way home, my parents are house/dog sitting for us and they leave before we arrive home so there is no possibility of us infecting them. We arrive home and find the fridge fully stocked with food and supplies to last us for hopefully the 14 days of quarantine and self-isolation. Thanks, Mum and Dad!
Survival gift for quarantine and self isolation
I have to say a huge thanks to the staff at Allure BonBon and Allure Chocolat for their amazing hospitality, understanding, and patience. They were always available able to assist us even in these tough uncharted circumstances. Also, a shout out to the Bride and Groom, to be able to put together a wedding ceremony and reception during evolving and ever-changing circumstances. I can’t imagine how stressful and tiring it must have been. You guys did an amazing job. Congratulations!
